i love Ellen Degeneres



There should be a show just called “AU”

every single episode, a group of the same characters are in a different alternate universe with no explanation as to why.



when rappers brag about being rich and breaking the law but then whine when people illegally download their music



i hope revving your motorcycle engine in the middle of the night made you feel better about your small penis

! !
! !
! !
! ! ! !


Why do people never want to tell you their middle name like who gives a shit its not a nuclear launch code its your damn name


my talents include being able to sit on the toilet for 30 minutes being distracted by my phone

My talent is getting up in the middle of the night to pee and falling asleep on the toilet

It’s so sad that the most stressful part of my job isn’t the kids but the other counselors I work with. Well, really just one and the teenage volunteer who thinks she’s so cool. She just complains and yells and talks about how she wants to drive off a bride and how these are the worst kids she’s ever worked with and how much she hates them all. And then her mini just follows her example and does the same and I’m just like…we work at a summer camp. It’s her first year as a counselor for kids older than six, but she has so much experience with children that I can’t understand why she thinks these kids are so horrible. And her power plays and over-reactions make it so stressful to work with her…I don’t understand.


omfg i let my 9 year old cousin use my laptop and now look at my history
! ! ! ! !

When you have mental illness and someone tells you, “everyone feels that way from time to time”